BOSSY MAN
you need a bossy man to love you a bossy man to hold you close a bossy man to dress and care for you a bossy man to take control you need a man to make your mind up a bossy man to set you free from all of life’s upsetting choices like what to do and who to be bossy man you need a bossy bossy man he is the only one who can he is your bossy bossy man you need a man to take the trash out a man to open up the door this bossy man he likes to tango and understands what power’s for you need a man with all the answers a bossy man to run the show this bossy man hepays for everything he never says i do not know (and here we have a big dance number with fireworks and flowers the band goes undercover) you think you want a man who listens you want a man who lets you drive how bout a fool who compromises or better yet a fool who cries yeah well you want a lot of funny things don’t you? and most of them do you no good you ask can anybody fix me? i know a bossy man who could bossy man you need a bossy bossy man he is the only one who can he is your bossy bossy man
HIT IT
all i want to do is hit it something tells me you agree there’s no reason we can’t be successful all we got to do is quit it there ain’t nothing more to say how come we keep talking anyway pushing further further away all i want to do is just hit it we’re having a relationship all i want to do is just hit it we’re having a relationship all i want to do is just hit it we’re having a relationship all i want to do is just hit it let’s flip the trip now come on baby let’s admit it i don’t get the way you play you understand my plan for living but baby i can almost taste it let’s not waster these precious hours we both know tonight was made forgiving all i want to do is just hit it we’re having a relationship all i want to do is just hit it we’re having a relationship all i want to do is just hit it we’re having a relationship all i want to do is just hit it let’s flip the trip
GIRL FROM THE RENAISSANCE FAIRE
i know that it matters but that mean doesn’t mean you should care i left my wife and only child for a girl at the renaissance faire her name was rowena she came from camelot she spoke with the darlingest english accent or at least that’s what i thought (chorus: her bosoms were heaving and her hair smelled like steak she poured me beer from her lips and i drank) and i drank well i quit selling software bought an rv picked up some trail mix for rowena i drove us from sea to shining sea she did the ren faire in phoenix she did the ren faire in joliet she did the ren faire in fredricksburg fredricksburg isn’t over her yet (chorus) some nights she got cranky some nights she got mean some nights she got busy behind the snow cone machine but i always forgave her when she came home and cried no i never felt down on my luck when i woke up with rowena by my side (chorus) one day she went jousting out in west tennnessee she took a lance to the helmet shattered most of her teeth she lost an eye in a bar fight lost her leg to gangrene ah but you know rowena my love still the darlingest thing (chorus) and it was raining in downey when i asked her to wed she said “what are you crazy?” and she hopped out of bed she knocked over the table and she hopped to the door she said “i don’t sign contracts” and left my life forevermore (chorus) now i’m heading foronna burn this rv tell your mommy that i’d loved her and stay away from men like i would tell you i was following my heart and i’d do anything to make you care but i gave up everything i had for a girl at the renaissance faire --and i’d do it again (chorus)
YOU KNOCKED ME DOWN
you knocked me down i fell on my shoulder i hit the ground and i kept tumbling over i landed on my back and i felt something crack in two it was my heart when i got home i saw that i was bleeding from everywhere now i won’t be needing your sad apology you were the end of me i’m going to die and i just called to say goodbye
BUG IN MY RICE
is that a bug in my rice or is it just a dirty grain?
well it’s a dirty grain yeah
THRIFT STORE BLUES
i got a pair of groovy pants for 10 dollars pair of groovy pants for 10 dollars pair of groovy pants for 10 dollars man my size man my style had his groovy pants too long now i got a pair of groovy pants for a song i got two groovy pants for 20 dollars two groovy pants for 20 dollars two groovy pants for 20 dollars man my size man my style had his groovy pants too long now i got two groovy pants for a song i got a health-insurance bill 300 dollars health-insurance bill 300 dollars health-insurance bill 300 dollars had 20 bucks bought groovy pants now i’m going to die from the flu but at at least i’ll be looking like a champ yeah at least i’ll be looking like a champion well at least i’ll be looking like a groovy champ when i get home to you
FOR THE LAST TIME
now we’ll go to the beach for the last time now we’ll play in the sea for the last time now we’ll spend all day together for the last time ever it’s the last few hours of our sweet honeymoon and you’ll go back to slinging hash and i’ll go to the office and we’ll divide the biggest chores and take turns buying coffee and we’ll meet up at christmas time to see the family i’ll buy you curtains and lingeree but now we’ll go to the beach for the last time now we’ll play in the sea for the last time now we’ll spend all day together for the last time ever it’s the last few hours of our sweet honeymoon
IN MY CAR AGAIN
i’m in my car again and in my car i drive don’t walk the streets no more now i just pass on by don’t brush against the folks don’t look in all the stores don’t find things on the ground i gotta get crosstown i’m in my car again and in my car i drive wish i was with my friends but on the 405 nobody says hello we’re always on the go thinking our destination will be our destiny and in my car again i sit and wonder why the miles just roll on by and i don’t get nowhere and in my car again i hear lonesome song i wonder where it’s from and then i recognize the voice and and driving is a box and walking is a space i dream of busting out and meeting face-to-face with dogs to sniff my leg dirty bums to beg getting drunk and sloppy stumbling two blocks home and in my car again i sit and wonder why the years just roll on by and i don’t get nowhere in my car again i sing a lonesome song and tell the setting sun i’m almost there
THE FLORA AND THE FAUNA
well the flora and the fauna are sitting in the sauna and things are getting nice and steamy now when flora says to fauna you really turn me onna fauna says i know but tell me how you are like a drip-drip-dropple of rain after a long long drought you ease my pain and you are like the cool cool touch of the breeze you bend my knees and feed my soul well the fauna and the flora are in the grocery stora and someone’s getting rascally and spry when fauna says to flora i really do adore ya flora says i know but tell me why you are like that one hot spot i the sun after a long winter storm you know how to get me warm and you ignite a fire inside of my heart you tear me apart and feed my soul well the flora and the fauna they moved to panamana and they set up shop down there and now they haven’t got a care except the children and flora tends the garden and fauna works the field in their little place down by the old windmill and sometimes late at night they fight just so they can make up in the moonlight and you are ke a drip-drip-dropple of rain after a long long drought you ease my pain and you ignite a fire inside of my heart you tear me apart and feed my soul now let’s grow old together
IF DEVILS CAN SLOW DANCE
do minds change in heaven as they do here on earth do angels say baby i’ve had time to think well if devils can slow dance we can get over the fear that we said what we mean and you….you were mistaken you thought that i said you were crazy what i said was i need you to get through the day and it kills me to see you unhappy and i…i was mistaken i thought that you told me to find someone new what you said was i need you to get through the day and i’m thinking you won’t want to stay do minds change in heaven as they do here on earth do angels say baby i’ve had time to think well if devils can slow dance we can get over the fear that we said what we mean yeah if devils can slow dance we can get over the fear
CAT DON’T KNOW
a cat don’t know that green means go and red means stop a cat don’t know the flavor of a lollipop a cat don’t know dimaggio hit in 56 in a row but i’d rather be that cat oh yeah you know that’s where it’s at because a cat don’t have to put up with your shit
PLACE TO GO
i got a place to go in the morning (going to work) i got a place to go when i rise i got to get up early and wash my body (going to work) i got to look real sharp and smell real nice and everybody there loves my opinion and we tell some funny jokes at the meeting with the bagels yeah i got a place to go and no one that i love goes there too i got a place to go it’s all my own (going to work) nobody else can do my job like i can – hey i’m a man – hey i know where everything is on my desk and we all roll our eyes at the memos and we sing a happy birthday song once a month on happy birthday tuesday i got a place to got in the morning (going to work) i got a place to go when i rise i got a place to go and even if i’m tire or feeling blue they let me stay collect my pay because i’m one of them oh it ain’t the glamorous life of a pirate yes i know but at least i got a place to go
SWEET & UNDERSTANDING
one of us is sweet and understanding the other one is you
DRAGON
i’m a dragon what more can i say i’m a fire-breathing dragon i was born that way i don’t apologize for nothing you don’t know what i’ve been through i went through hell to get here straight through hell i’m a dragon i was built to win they want to make potions out of my tears handbags out of my skin they want to lock me up in that mountain until the saints go marching in but they can’t get me i’m undefeated i’m a dragon (roar) i’m richer than kings my gold’s got gold of its own my dogs where diamond rings i could fly you over the moon give you everything so have coffee with me have coffee with me i’m a dragon maybe you didn’t hear i’m a fire-breathing dragon i been around for a thousand years i had lunch with joan of arc I made her a steak and eased her fears how bad could i be? how bad could i be? have coffee with me have coffee with me have coffee with me
PIRATES OF THE HEART
your lover is a fucker your lover is a drunk he’s no one’s favorite person not even his own mother’s but that does not excuse him for making us all suffer your lover is a fucker and the fucker must be gone your lover is a bastard your lover is a beast we all were having such a lovely time and then he bared his jagged teeth he opened up his asshole of a mouth and all that angry shit came pouring out your lover is a bastard and it’s time to do the deed we are the pirates of the heart we ride upon the open seas we find the fuckers where they are and then we bring them to their knees we show them pictures of their lives and we evaluate for free we give them feedback we give them feedback we help them bleed your lover is a doorstop your lover is a pill your former lover was a prince and most of us admire him still you saying this one is trying hard to change but even you don’t think he will your lover is a bad man and a bad man must be killed we are the pirates of the heart we ride upon the open seas we find the fuckers where they are and then we bring them to their knees we show them transcripts of the record detailing each indignity we hurt their feelings we hurt their feelings we help them bleed and if you want to save him this lover we all hate we’re going to give you one last stinkin’ chance to break it off for heaven’s sake we’ll give you until thursday 8 o’clock and you’d better not be late your lover is the devil and the devil doesn’t wait whom for? for the pirates of the heart we ride upon the open seas we find the fuckers where they are and then we bring them to their knees and when the deed is finally done my dear you’ll realize that you love me – no me! for i’m a pirate! we are the pirates! we rule the sea!
WINTER
winter is coming gotta find me a bear find me a bear find me a bear winter is coming gotta find me a bear find me a bear to lay down with in a cave of our own a little place to call home i could turn off my phone and my computer she doesn’t have to be tall a little patient is all we’d have a ball i have a tux winter is coming gotta find me a bear find me a bear find me a bear winter is coming gotta find me a bear find me a bear to lay down with and i’m through chasing squirrels who needs rascally girls they say hey follow me and they run up a tree and the hour’s getting late all my friends got a mate they say hey you’d be great if you had a mate like us winter is coming gotta find me a bear find me a bear find me a bear winter is coming gotta find me a bear find me a bear to lay down with i ate some people last night and i feel very bad but i was so sad and they smelled so sweet and i know that i drink too much and maybe i've been afraid to fall in love but if you know the bear i'm dreaming of won't you send her to me tell her i've had enough of this loneliness winter is coming gotta find me a bear find me a bear find me a bear winter is coming gotta find me a bear find me a bear to bring home find me a bear to bring home